Embracing the Mess
In life and... in getting dressed!
I sometimes have a hard time with processes that require making a total mess first. I don’t know if it’s the mess itself — something I know I need to put back in order — or my general lack of patience in the process, but something like cooking a meal and leaving the kitchen in disarray only makes me anticipate and dread the cleanup.
I was on a Therapy Walk this week and realized I was there in the first place because I was avoiding writing; requiring myself to focus and lay out my thoughts again and again can get messy too (hi, attention issues).
The only period in my life when I felt comfortable freely making a mess was in art school, when I was given my own tiny 7-by-7-foot makeshift painting studio on the second floor of a building near Astor Place that no longer exists. I loved it because I could abandon it. I could shut off the lights, walk away, and leave the chaos exactly where it was when I couldn’t give it any more attention.
If I’m being honest, I’d often rather order takeout than make a meal, not because of laziness (I don’t think?) but because of the mess I will make in the process. I don’t know when this disdain for mess began, but I sometimes find myself avoiding the effort entirely.
I often feel alone and isolated in the process, so it was refreshing to read Reese Blutstein write in the most recent edition of her Four Looks Friday series that creating her looks each week usually takes a few hours. Hearing her time commitment to make a good outfit, something I don’t often hear from people in fashion, was oddly validating. It feels — and this could just be me, but — like it’s a failure to take time to make something good. You didn’t just wake up and make that?
And while I feel this sort of insecurity, I also immediately recognize that the most productive styling sessions I have with clients are the messiest and the longest. I thought about the piles of clothes my clients’ closets become before we get to cooking up the good stuff and finding the outfits that click (and then neatly putting them all back because I cannot leave a mess once made).
But a lot of us see a post, a painting, a meal, or a (real! life!) outfit and assume it came together with ease. We see the finished thing and not the absolute mess that often had to happen first. We see the result and skip over the pile of clothes on the bed, the kitchen counter full of utensils and gadgets, and the abandoned drafts (and drafts, and drafts).
Good things take time. They should take time and, in the process, get a little messy too. And I want to push myself to enjoy that time and enjoy that mess. Otherwise, I’m just trying to always run through to the finished product. Getting dressed can take time and make a bit of a mess. This isn’t evidence that something isn’t working, but rather that you’re actually in it!
I swear I keep getting seated at corner booths when I go out (it happened at Marea, Hole in the Wall, and Old John’s Diner within six days of each other… it’s not that common!). Anyway, I think being seated at a corner booth is one of life’s greatest thrills, so I want to bring that energy to a new franchise born at my Corner Booth: random bursts of things I’ve been thinking about.
Today’s thought: animal print > florals for warm weather.
I love that it feels less predictable. I also recently had a client who described herself as “anti-florals” (great branding) but is into animal print. A touch here or there adds personality, playfulness, and just enough genre-mixing in the best way.
Hoping you enjoy this weekend’s weather because last weekend’s sucked and I cried a lot!
xo,
Eliz
At first I almost didn’t share that it takes me hours but it’s true so why would I not share that? And you know what I think a lot of people who care about the outfits they wear can relate to this. ❤️
I made a huge discard pile figuring out my outfit yesterday. Thank you for calling out this process and writing your musings. Good things take time!!